Wed. Jan. 18, 2023 -8:50 AM

Sky is blue this morning and it’s calm with no wind, but last night I swore the sky was falling. Sure felt that way. We sleep on the south-east side of the house, that’s the direction of the prevailing wind. 

If there’s going to be a tree fall on the house during a storm, it will be from that direction, from the south-east. We seldom get strong winds at our home in Cumberland, but when they happen, they aren’t shy. 

Last night the weather had no shame, no sense of propriety. It came banging on the side of the house, undeterred by the fact that we might be sleeping (or trying to sleep) inside. The rain aimed to engrave the windows with incessant beatings. There would be no sleep, at least not until the weather lost its angry edge. 

One thing about sleeplessness is that my brain has plenty of time to speculate on things transpiring in the midlin’ parts of my body. Normally my brain is in denial, but storms put a wrench into that. The storms seem to amplify the ‘discomfort’ I feel in my back. Most of the time I don’t think about it. It may be that atmospheric pressure has something to do with the pain in my midsection, but that’s only speculation on my brain’s part. The pain is real, though. 

I was supposed to get a visit today from my palliative care doctor, but she was called away to an emergency so we’re putting that off until next week. 

Thursday, January 19, 2023 – 8:00 AM

0.0˚C. Jeez. That’s cold in my books. Looks like winter is carrying on. It’s going to hang around for some time yet, whether we like it or not. There’s no denying that. It may be that we escape more serious dumps of snow, but there’s no guarantee of that either. Ski patrollers would like to see lots of snow fall and we do need as big a snowpack as we can get, but I don’t welcome snow. I’m decidedly not a cold weather person. I like to sit by our politically incorrect woodstove, especially when I just get up in the morning and Carolyn has got a fire going in our new, very efficient Pacific Energy woodstove (rated at 1.8 parts per million). Ah, a nice wood fire, warm and welcoming, along with a nice cup of coffee. Life is good, isn’t it? Well, there is that other thing. 

My back has been a challenge lately with constant ‘stitches’. The pain isn’t horrible, but it is a pain in the butt (a little higher, actually) and pushes me to take more hydromorphone. If I take 4 mgs of breakthrough hydromorphone on top of the 18 mgs of the slow-release flavour, I can usually fall asleep and stay that way for a while. Lately, I’ve taken to sleeping in my recliner. It’s much more restrictive than my usual bed because it’s so much narrower, but also much more flexible in terms of position. Actually, I find my recliner quite comfortable to sleep in. Come to think of it, I may want to use it tonight.

Now, enter the game-changer. The Home Care team has arranged to have a hospital bed delivered to the house next week for my pleasure and sleeping enjoyment. This bed is kindly provided by the Canadian Red Cross and is available to me for as long as I need it. That has me a little unnerved, but I need to accept it in the same spirit it was offered. Thank you, Red Cross. 

The problem is that all the people I’ve ever known to get a hospital bed delivered to their homes have not come out alive. I guess that’s to be expected, but I don’t feel as though I’m that close to the final frontier. So, I’m of two minds about the hospital bed. On the one hand, yes, I want it because I think it would increase my level of sleepy time comfort and probably reduce my dependence on opioids. On the other hand, anything that reminds me of hospitals leaves me a little cold. 

I suppose the best thing for me to do is relax. Not sure I can do that. I’ll work on it. 

Friday, January 20, 2023 ~7:30 AM

The menagerie awakens to growling tummies. The cats, Princess and Sunshine, are prancing around wary of each other, but impatient for breakfast. Sunshine is a guest, Arianne’s cat who is here waiting for the renovations to their house in Vancouver to be finished allowing him to finally go home and relax on his favourite perch on the back porch. 

Tilly is impatient. She has that big tummy to fill up and she’s quite convinced that she will starve to death given that Carolyn hasn’t fed her yet and it’s getting late. Cooper, the neighbour’s dog sits at the deck doors waiting for something. He’s not sure what, but he’s convinced that it’s in here whatever it is. Food, maybe? A spot in front of the woodstove, maybe? Making decisions is tough. Every once in a while he lets out a bark, not one with great conviction, and just loud enough to ensure that the residents of this place know that he’s out there and needs something. What? Who knows?

Tilly is on guard making sure Cooper doesn’t exceed his privilege. She charges him from this side of the door. 

I had a good sleep last night. It was one of those rare ones. The pain in my back wasn’t present enough to wake me up and I didn’t have to pee. I slept a solid seven hours straight. Miraculous! 

My back is still twitching but that should attenuate shortly because I just took my meds, and they will take care of the twitching. After that, I’ll take a nap. I probably don’t need a nap, but it’s my right as an old man to nap whenever I feel like it. 

ActualIy, I nap out of a sense of duty. If I don’t nap, the government might feel justified in removing that privilege from me. Governments are like that, you know, according to the CPC. Liberals and Trudeau are always waiting to pounce to revoke our privileges. Bad government! Be scared of bad government! Be scared of everything! LOL! Ha Ha! He! He!